London and Provincial Music

The Great Billing Church Fete which Moulton 77 Brass Band plays at every year is very much a known quantity now. It has many good features, and some excruciatingly bad ones which you have to come prepared to face. For one, it is a long way off the beaten track. In times gone by, Great Billing proudly boasted its own railway station, and was fully connected to the transport infrastructure when this country actually had one.

Now, all of that is in the past, and the best that can be offered is another boring road tortoise which does at least stop somewhere near the village fete. It only stops every half an hour even during peak times, which is pitiful in the extreme. Omnibus services within a town need to be running every two or three minutes to make them usable, and every six minutes during quiet times. During very quiet times such as Sunday morning every twelve minutes would suffice. These are the timings which should be adapted as minimum standard on all urban routes.

All of that is irrelevant today, as even the road tortoises which are supposed to run don’t bother to turn up. I have been around long enough to know the importance of allowing plenty of time, and today I need all of my allowance as I am forced to make the entire journey on foot. I get there on time, in fact half an hour early, despite Britain’s crumbling infrastructure and certainly not because of it.

The Great Billing Church Fete has several irritating habits. The first of these is to keep the public waiting outside until the very moment the event is about to start. Today, they couldn’t even be bothered to have anybody waiting on the gate to collect six shillings from the hardy faithful who come here every year to give them money. Did it ever occur to the “organizers” that if they were prepared to let people in ten minutes before the band started to play, those people may well buy refreshments and give them money?

Today I am miraculously able to spend two shillings on a cup of orange squash before the mad rush to reach the band area in time for the first note to be played. Failing this, I would have been stuck there with a dry throat and dehydration until the band breaks. It is a long trek to Great Billing, and some thought needs to be given to the needs of the paying customers.

In previous years, the band has broken twice, but today they only take one break and finish at 4pm. This is one of the positive features of the event. You get as much music here as you do at most park events, making the effort to get here worthwhile. The setting is another positive, as it really is a charming lawn with hedges, trees, views of both the church and the adjacent houses, religious artifacts, and a pair of seats which must provide a peaceful retreat on any other day of the year.

The matter of seats is another problem, as there is no clear policy on whether chairs are provided for the listening public or not. Sometimes there are, and sometimes there are not, which means you need to bring your own seat anyway. More weight to carry on these long journeys is not really what we need. Today, there are two rows of spare seats, more than I have ever seen here before.

Part of the reason for this is doubtless the depleted forces of the band, which seems to be a perennial problem at this event. There is no trombone section whatsoever today, and the euphoniums are severely light as well. I am actually very surprised at how well the band copes with the problem. This group of players, something of a cross between a brass band and a brass chamber ensemble, does play very well, and there are very few occasions where the music just cried out for more players. “Floral Dance” is really the only piece which just sounded completely wrong, as though half of the notes were not being played.

I wish my father had lived to see this year’s Moulton 77 Brass Band events. He was a fanatical Peterborough United FC supporter, and in the days when he used to go to matches every week the team always ran out onto the pitch to the sound of the same tune. That tune was the “Post Horn Galop”. He would have thoroughly enjoyed the mobile version which Moulton have incorporated this year, using the posthorn in the same way that Geoff White used it with the Abington Wind Band.

There is one more solo piece today, which was not included at St. Matthew’s. The Eb bass version of “Nellie the Elephant” is something I’ve not heard for six and a half years, but it does fit in well to a church fete programme. We don’t hear enough Eb bass solos anyway.

All in all, this is a good satisfying effort in what must have been challenging circumstances, especially for a musical director trying to work out a programme which will not sound silly with no trombones and scarcely a euphonium. It looks like I need to transmute into a trombonist if I come here again. I have actually tried to play a trombone, and found it virtually impossible. The cornet came far easier. The trombone does have one great advantage over every other instrument though – you don’t have to play it right handed.

The rest of the Great Billing goonery was still sadly present. Why do people think it is clever to come and try to sell you something when the band is actually playing? Can they really not work out that a listener is far more likely to be in a buying mood if they are approached at the end of a piece, than if they are irritated and annoyed during it? Great Billing also tries very hard to get people to bugger off at half time, by playing excruciatingly bad 1970′s disco noise while the band takes its well earned break. Is there one single attendee who actually wants this? I would be amazed if there was. If you come here, come prepared. One good portable music player with a Black Dyke Mills Band recording, and one good pair of headphones takes care of that problem.

What was not present today was the Fairtrade food stall from which I usually buy my dinner. I could have done with that after the exertion to get here. I think I saw the lady who used to run it helping to run the soft toy tombola stall. Not much use, as I don’t eat soft toys.

The early finish means that the long trek home is in perfect mild sunshine. After an hour and twenty minutes, I pass by the lawn at the back of St. Matthew’s Church. What a shame they can’t play here twice! Actually, the Great Billing Fete is one of the better ones, if you know in advance of the problems you will face and come here prepared to meet them. I have been around long enough now to know.

It will be fascinating to see what Cheddington has to offer us tomorrow. I have hardly ever been to a village event on a Sunday, but this really is a dreadful week in the parks. The only events I seriously considered were the Brighton and Hove City Brass one in Eastbourne, and the Soham Comrades one in Hunstanton. It looks like being a perfect day for a seaside trip, but the countryside around Cheddington is some of the best in Great Britain. I used Cheddington station two years ago when Great Horwood played in Aston Clinton, and the walk was a great addition to the day. I shan’t need to do seven miles each way tomorrow, and I shan’t need to use any road tortoises either. If Cheddington can have a station, why can’t every village? There really is no reason beyond government insanity.

Today has been pretty much what I expected. There have been challenges to meet, which I anticipated and met successfully. It looks as though Mr. France had some challenges as well, and they were also successfully met. If I am still above ground this time next year, and there is no exceptional brass band playing in St. James’s Park, I may well be back again to hear Moulton 77 Brass Band.